Today is Monday, June 20, 2016, two days before I graduate high school. Come Wednesday, my life is moving onto a new stage of life. This should be one of the most exciting stages of my life….however, something is holding me back. Unfinished business. As much as my ancestral instincts advise against, I must finish this challenge.
 
Summary:
So, to summarize where we are for those who have forgotten over the past two months since my last blog post: the Cullens were playing baseball, actual vampires came and wanted to eat Bella, Bella is at her house to leave Forks for her own protection.
So, she goes into the house and, the brilliant actress that she is, pretends to be really upset with Edward. She says some pretty hateful stuff to her father so that she can leave in peace, even though she could have just left and called him with phones that totally existed at this time.
Edward brings her back to his house. Laurent is there, one of the enemy vampires, and says he’s so sorry about the situation, then leaves. Very helpful. Then, the most climactic part of the entire book: Carlisle takes out a CELL PHONE! What is this strange silver device you hold in your hand? 

Chapter 20, “Impatience,” oddly summarizes how I feel reading this “book.” Alice and Jasper take Bella to Phoenix to hide from James, the vampire who wants a bite of Bella. Alice gets a vision of James in a ballet studio with a VCR. Bella calls her mom to try to prevent her from going to Forks after she tore Charlie’s heart out; she doesn’t answer so Bella leave a voicemail.
Chapter 21, creatively named “Phone Call,” makes me angry that they only just discovered the phone rather than when it would have actually been helpful. James calls Bella and says he has her mother captive. He orders her to escape Alice and Jasper and to go to her house for further instruction. She agrees, and writes Edward a letter saying how sorry she is. Thankfully, the chapter ended.

Commentary:
Bella is an Oscar-nominated actress after her performance with Charlie. Everything she said is so unnecessary, it makes me sick. There are so many different things she could have said to Charlie rather than reproduce the day her mom left him. Her dad is really nice, one of my favorite characters, actually, and he’s barely in the book. I suppose that says a lot.
“Impatience” is pretty boring, to be honest. I am pretty sure I skimmed most of the chapter because there is at least three full pages of the hotel description. How many times can you say “bland” in one chapter? A lot of times, apparently.
So, “Phone Calls” really shows how inconsistent these vampire powers are. I distinctly remember in Breaking Dawn, when Bella turns to a vampire *spoiler, for those who plan on joining the torture party and reading this series* she can hear music miles away as if it were playing by her ear. However, when Bella is on the phone with James, a person who is clearly not her mother, Alice cannot hear this? Most of the time, I can hear my grandmother on the phone with my mother from across the room, and I don’t have crazy vampire hearing like Alice does. This makes absolutely no sense. Alice should have been able to hear all of what James said before Bella decided to be stupid. But I suppose Bella’s stupidity knows no bounds, and can defeat even the strongest vampire. Or maybe, Alice had too much earwax clogging her ears, and it’s all her fault.
Honestly, at this point, I am beyond caring.
 
Apparently today is Edward Cullen’s birthday. I’d wish you a happy birthday, but….nah.