Matthew Fox wins Mr. Spiffy High, perhaps parents’ approval


Ian MacPherson

Senior Matthew Fox was crowned Mr. Spiffy High at DECA’s annual male pageant. The event raised money for New Eyes for the Needy, a charity dedicated to helping disadvantaged families and children afford eyecare and glasses.

Contestants Ryan Abramowitz, Fox, Max Mazursky, Bennett Mazza, Simon Oster, Gabe Sta. Rosa, Lukas Stein and Peter Yarem went head to head for the title. Round one consisted of a formal wear modeling contest, answering interview questions and, finally, showcasing talents. Hilarity ensued.

Abramowitz sang “New York State of Mind” by Billy Joel, apparently failing to realize that contestants were not supposed to showcase true talents, as many in the pageant pointed out. He was accompanied by Sarah Miller on the piano.

Fox elected to impersonate Sia, wearing her trademark wig, a black leotard, and absurdly high-waisted pants. He danced to her hit song “The Greatest” while twirling a ribbon.

Mazursky began dancing the tango with a broom, then proceeded to read his rejection letter from Stanford University as “Bad Day” by Daniel Powter played in the background.

Mazza was more understated than the others, ironically reading off faux poetry and tweets from Kanye West, roasting his opponents, and sharing a grocery list. His use of chimes made for comedic gold.

Oster left everything on the stage. Clad in a dress, braided wig and high-heels reminiscent of Elsa, he serenaded a miniature Olaf, singing “Let it Go” from the movie Frozen in German, French and English.

Sta. Rosa danced to a delightful medley of diverse song selections including “Cotton-Eyed Joe”  by Rednex, “Billie Jean” by Michael Jackson, and others. He opted to wear a clashing, ‘80s inspired garb including a lime green headband.

Stein took to the track and performed several rounds of the infamous Pacer Test. It would happen that I listened to the song on repeat while writing this article.

Yarem performed a synchronized swimming routine to “The Beautiful Blue Danube,” using a tarp as his pool and flopping on the stage to garner laughter and applause.

After intermission, the BSU Blue Diamond Step Team performed their crowd-pleasing repertoire and the final round commenced. Four boys advanced to the final round, a lip sync battle rather than the traditional trivia contest.

Sta. Rosa performed “Crazy in Love” by Beyonce; Oster performed “Hit me Baby One More Time” by Britney Spears; Yarem performed “Hello” by Adele; Fox performed “Shark in the Water” by V V Brown.

Sta. Rosa was declared runner-up and Fox took the evening.

Fox had hoped to win the love and affection of his parents, as he marketed himself as “the least favorite of [his parents’] sons.” Whether he achieved his aim remains to be seen, but he did win a meal cooked by DECA adviser Marjorie FitzGibbon as a consolation prize.